Sara Bareilles is sharing her experience with taking medication “for the first time” as she battles depression and anxiety.
Tuesday, the “Love Song” singer, 42, posted a photo holding half of a white pill in her hand.
“This is my medicine,” she began the vulnerable caption before acknowledging her “not pictured medicines” in the form of “friends/family, therapy, exercise, sleep and meditation).”
She continued and said after two decades “of feeling very strongly that it was not the path I needed to take…I have tried medication for the first time.”
Bareilles described the changes she’s already witnessed, adding, “For the first time in months I can feel myself again- my joy, my optimism and my laughter are among some of the precious parts of myself I have rediscovered.”
“They sit at my soul’s table, along with my sweet sadness and my tender anxiety…who, by the way, aren’t the only ones talking anymore. It is a profound, holy relief,” Bareilles shared.
Opening up about her struggle with depression and anxiety, she shared a message for “those who don’t understand it or have never dealt with it,” and wrote, “from the inside of depression and anxiety sometimes you can’t see the possibility of a way out, much less the path itself.”
The Girls5va star described the “emotions” she’s experienced over the last year, telling her supporters, “I felt desperate and overwhelmed almost all the time. The amount of energy it took to “manage” my emotions (I use that term loosely because that makes me seem like I had a handle on anything) would exhaust me so much that my whole sense of myself got distorted. I didn’t feel like me anymore.”
Bareilles, who opened up to PEOPLE about “dealing with old demons of anxiety and depression” in July 2020, went on to explain that “depression is not rational. It does not respond “I have so much to be grateful for”, or “just concentrate on the good things”.
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“I have moved through depression and anxiety many times in my life, but this time I needed extra help,” she added before revealing she questioned her decision to take medication, asking herself “What am I trying to suppress?” “Am I taking a short cut instead of doing the work?” “I’m afraid I won’t recognize myself anymore.”
“For me, the truth was that this medicine helped me see myself again, without the cloak of depression and anxiety. I remember myself,” Bareilles said.
Concluding by thanking her boyfriend, actor Joe Trippett, for his support, the singer told him “I love you,” stating she’s “lucky” to have “an incredible partner and angelic friends who have listened, lifted up, comforted and encouraged me to do what needs to be done to feel better.”
“It ultimately came down to me though. This was more than I could hold on my own,” Bareilles said of her decision as she revealed, “I was blessed with a breaking point. So let it all break open…so it can be reassembled to be stronger than before. Keep going. Begin Again.”
If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.