麦迪逊, 42, famously dated Hefner from 2001 到 2008, during which time she appeared on the hit reality series, 邻家女孩. The mother of two left the Playboy Mansion in 2008 and first spoke out about her past relationship in her 2015 书, 掉进兔子洞: 前花花公子兔子的奇遇和警示故事.
In the new A&E docuseries 花花公子的秘密, which aims to unveil the “dark sides” 和 “hidden realities” behind Hefner’s 花花公子 empire, Madison disclosed even more previously untold secrets from her time with Hefner, who died at age 91 在 2017.
在最近 陈述, 花花公子 谴责赫夫纳的指控 “几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里” 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里 “几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里” 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里. “几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里, 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里: 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里, 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里,” 声明阅读. “作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌, 作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌, 作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌, 作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌”
作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌 花花公子, 作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌 80 作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌. “作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌 花花公子 作为一个以性积极为核心的品牌 花花公子,” 声明说.
“Together we are building upon the aspects of our legacy that have made a positive impact, including serving as a platform for free expression and a convener of safe conversations on sex, inclusion and freedom. We will continue to confront any parts of our legacy that do not reflect our values today, and to build upon the progress we have made as we evolve as a company so we can drive positive change for you and our communities,” 声明继续. “Please join us in doing the most important thing we can do right now — listen. It is critically important that we listen as these women share their stories and continue to fight harassment and discrimination in all its forms, support healing and education, redefine tired and sexist definitions of beauty and advocate for inclusivity across gender, 性欲, 种族, age, ability and zip codes.”
During Monday night’s premiere, Madison was the focus of the docuseries’ second episode, in which she shared how she entered the “dangerous” 花花公子 world in her early 20s, how she became one of Hefner’s longtime girlfriends and why she left for good after wrapping five seasons of E!的 邻家女孩.
“I think I was drawn to try to be in spotlight because I felt like, if I could be famous, that could be a shortcut to feeling a connection with people. Because we feel connected to celebrities,” said Madison, who was raised in Alaska. “I was very much attracted to the Anna Nicole Smiths, who was a supermodel at the time, and the Jenny McCarthys, 谁是 “It Girl” 在 MTV 上, and the Pamela Andersons, who was the biggest TV star at the time. And the common denominator was they all started out as Playmates. It made a lot of sense to infer that if I start out at 花花公子, I could end up like that too, because they did.”
Read on to learn more about Madison’s biggest bombshells from the series:
Her first intimate night with Hefner
What started as a “wholesome” view of the 花花公子 “家庭” in the summer of 2001 quickly turned sour once Madison became involved with Hefner.
Madison recalled the “first night” she went out with Hefner and his girlfriends at a nightclub in Los Angeles. “我坐在赫夫旁边, 他俯身问我是否想参加一场quaalude. 我说了类似的话, “不，我不吸毒。’ 他走了, “是的，我通常也不会，但他们在 70 年代曾经称这些大腿开口器。’ I thought it was just really weird. That night I drank a lot because I was nervous,” 她分享了.
After the nightclub, the group returned to the mansion and Madison “ended up going upstairs” with the group. Though she hesitated at first when asked to recount the memories of the night, Madison described the “casual sex” 作为 “都非常机械和机器人,” 添加: “Hef 不想使用保护措施对我来说真的很恶心. 它对我的影响是如此之大. 我从没想过会成为那天晚上第一个发生性关系或被推入其中的人。”
Calling Hefner’s Playboy world a “cult”
Madison described the environment Hefner had built as “very cult-like.”
“He comes across as caring and generous, especially when you see him in that atmosphere because he’s providing this good time for all his friends and you know, there’s a glow about him. And you just start to build this picture in your head of somebody who can really do no wrong. 现在, looking back on my time at 花花公子, it reminds me of a cult,” 她分享了.
“我认为这座豪宅非常像邪教的原因是因为我们都有点气馁，并期望认为 Hef 是一个非常好的人. 你开始觉得‘哦, 他不是他们在媒体上所说的, 他只是一个好人,’ ” 她继续. “让我想起邪教的另一件事是，在那里与外界隔绝是多么容易. 你有一个 9 宵禁. 你被鼓励不要有朋友过来——除非像家庭度假，否则你真的不被允许离开。”
Madison added, “Sex always happened kind of like the same time the same night. We would go out to a club every Wednesday and Friday and that would be expected when we got home. I kept my waitressing job just like one day a week because I wanted just to have something easy to go back to should things not work out and he said it made him jealous and he would appreciate it if I quit my job. So instead, we were given $1,000 a week as an allowance.”
Feeling like she had “Stockholm syndrome”
“I think one of the reasons I was able to buy in into being able to have this relationship with an older person is because I thought, ‘Well I’d never connected to guys my own age so maybe this is what is meant to happen. Maybe this is a better fit,’ ” Madison recalled.
When asked if she was ever in love with Hefner, she responded, “I think I definitely thought I was in love with Hef but it was very Stockholm syndrome, very Stockholm syndrome. So Stockholm syndrome is when somebody starts to identify with somebody who’s their captor in some way and I feel like I did that with Hef 100 百分。”
Madison added, “I never blamed him for any of the drama that went on and always blamed it on the other women. Hef was innocent in my eyes. And then later, one of the girls was telling me how Hef always pits the main girlfriend against the other girls. This situation was going on for years before I came along.”
When Madison was Hefner’s “main girlfriend,” she described her time as his No. 1 as feeling “completely isolated until” 布里奇特·马夸特, a fellow 邻家女孩 明矾, came along in 2002.
“Compulsive” plastic surgery amongst the women
“I think it probably gave him a feeling of being more in control if we all looked identical,” 麦迪逊说.
Describing the plastic surgery amongst the women at the mansion as “compulsive,” Madison shared that “everybody was doing it with very few exceptions. I remember being made to feel like I needed to look exactly like everybody else.”
During a conversation with Hefner about testing for a Playmate opportunity, Madison claimed “he said I’m just not photogenic enough. So of course what that does to you is it makes you wonder, 哇, what’s wrong with me? Like what do I need to get fixed?”
In an old sound bite of Madison from a previous interview that was included in the docuseries, 她说, “I’ve always been very honest about [plastic surgery]. I’ve had my boobs and my nose done.”
In another example of Hefner maintaining a specific look, Madison spoke about the time she cut her hair to stand out from the rest of the women. “我在那里的时间不远了, 我想只有六个月的时间, 在那种压力下，我有点崩溃了，我觉得我需要看起来和其他人一模一样,” 她说. “我的头发很自然很长. 我就像, 我要去剪掉我的头发，这样我至少可以看起来有点不同. 我回来了短发. 他对我大发雷霆. 他对我大喊大叫，说这让我看起来老了, 又硬又便宜。”
Allegations of revenge porn
Describing a reason why she had stayed as long as she did, Madison claimed Hefner had a form of blackmail on her. “我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个. 我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个. 我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个,” 她说.
“我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个, 我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个. 我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个, 我立即撕毁它们，为你和其中无数其他女人摧毁了它们中的每一个, 是不是如果我离开了，只有这山复仇色情片等着出来,” 麦迪逊声称. “当你和赫夫出去的时候, 当我们心烦意乱时，他正在拍摄这些女人的各种裸照. 他会为他和所有的女人打印八份, 你把它们传来传去. 这太恶心了。”
Wanting to drown herself
“I felt like I was in this cycle of gross things and I didn’t know what to do,” Madison shared.
As Hefner’s “main girlfriend,” she said she didn’t want to be intimate with him and the other women after going out to the nightclubs, especially with those “who all hate you and you know they’re all talking s— about you.” Madison recalled drinking “pretty heavily every night we went out, [作为] it was my way of coping with the situation after we got back home.”
Two years into her relationship with Hefner, Madison said she reached a low point in her life.
“我觉得我没有任何选择. 我记得有一个时间点, 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里. 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里. 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里. 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里,” 她说. “几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里. 几年后我们出去了，我们都在卧室里? I knew there would be something I always had that faith that there will be something that would make it worth it.”
That moment came when she was cast in E!的 2005 reality show 邻家女孩, which followed the lives of Hefner and his three girlfriends, which included Madison, Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson. 在她的 花花公子的秘密 插曲, Madison rewatched old clips from 邻家女孩 and reflected on how it “totally saved my life.”
“The show gave me confidence, it gave me a sense of purpose. The contrast between the first three years I lived there and the last three-and-a-half years, it was night and day,” 她分享了.
“I can see myself getting my self-esteem back,” Madison said while rewatching an old clip. “I had a job at the Playboy studio for the show, and I ended up really loving it. I seem like I’m on my way to being a little more normal, like a little more of a functional human.”
邻家女孩, which Madison said “really was a lot of fun,” led her to achieve one of her original goals of being in the magazine. But being a part of the show also had many downsides.
“We weren’t paid for the first order of episodes for 邻家女孩,” 她声称. “Eventually we did get paid, but we were told one day that we needed to sign contracts and we need to sign them that day or E! wasn’t going to renew the show, which I just didn’t want to sign a contract that in essence was signing a contract to be in a relationship since the show was about three girls he was dating. That felt very prostitute-ish to me.”
Though they “all signed” the contracts, 麦迪逊说, “I consider that signing under duress.”
Hefner and Madison’s relationship was seen in a new light by 邻家女孩 粉丝, but according to Madison, it was anything but romance. While rewatching a scene of her crying and Hefner reading a card she wrote for him, she revealed that she “was embarrassed and stressed … feeling f—ing stupid” at that moment.
“I’m supposed to be filming like this romantic scene but he’s dating other people,” 她说. “The show was doing a lot for me, in terms of self-esteem and as far as other opportunities that would come to me later, but I wasn’t really seeing that. I still felt like I was very stuck in the same situation.”
Reps for E! did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.
Her final straw
“在 2008, my last year there, the other girls were leaving. It looked like it was just going to be me. I finally thought I got what I wanted out of this situation, and was finally like this committed relationship. But during that time period, he started getting even meaner,” 麦迪逊说.
Marquardt recalled being told about an “altercation” between Madison and Hefner during which he called her a “C—.” According to Marquardt, “that’s it she was done” after that incident.
“在那时候, there were no women to pit me against, there was none of that left. And that’s when I had the realization, and I was like ‘Whoa he’s been the problem the whole time.’ I had been locked into the mentality of the mansion, and had felt like there’s no other future for me outside. But I finally saw him for who he was and I had to go. I just felt it so strongly that I had to leave,” 麦迪逊说.
As she looked back on the photo albums she’s kept from her years with 花花公子, Madison looked back at the trauma she said she had endured.
“The time at Playboy really caused some damage. I’ve had different types of therapy and stuff since I left. Other than some of the animals in the zoo, I can’t really think of anything I miss,” 她说. “When I decided to leave, it was pretty sudden so I wouldn’t say it was so much that I had a plan. I just had more to fall back on. I’d been really careful with my money and making investments and I knew that there was at least a fan base for 邻家女孩. So maybe I could turn that into something? And it worked out really well.”
After leaving both her relationship with Hefner and the mansion, Madison had two seasons of her own TV show on E!, 叫 Holly’s World, 从 2009-2010. 然后, she went on to marry Pasquale Rotella in 2013 直到 2019, during which they raised their two kids, daughter Rainbow Aurora and son Forest, 一起.
“I basically did everything I wanted to do but every single day of my life, I would have a stranger approach me and ask, ‘How’s Hef?’ and I would always say, '哦, he’s good. He’s great.’ I really started to feel terrible about it and I was living a lie,” 她说.
“After my book came out, no one ever came up to me again and asked, ‘How’s Hef?’ My book wasn’t motivated by money at all. It wasn’t motivated by revenge,” Madison said about her 2015 回忆录. “I knew he was in a place where he didn’t really answer to anyone. He wasn’t necessarily cancelable so to speak. It was strictly for me so I wouldn’t feel bound to be living this lie where I constantly have to say things were great when I was there when they weren’t.”
Madison also shared, “What I love about my book is I feel some people are finding it and they read it and they recognize parallel situations in emotionally abusive relationships that they might be in. I’ve heard a lot of feedback like that. And I love it that people are talking about abuses of power and imbalances in relationships. And I hope that helps some people.”
花花公子的秘密, a 10-part docuseries, airs Mondays on A&乙.